There are so many things in life that can be enjoyed, so much humor tucked into the smallest cracks of the daily reality...little things that distrupt a rut and give you a chance to laugh, even if it is just at yourself. I used to be one that was keen in spotting the chuckles life hides for you to find, everyday was a day to wake up and laugh, being tickled by something random. I have tried and tried again to become the person I was, I miss that person; though just as the laws of living require, people must change with their environment...people must change, they must do so to grow and better themselves. For what, I'm not sure. What's the point in growing and changing? What's the end result? What piece am I to the big picture?
My current reality has become so overwhelming and stressful, plain and mundane. Life has seemed to become relentless in trying to push me down in so many directions to the point where I cannot breath anymore and waking up becomes painful. Something has got to give, and yet I have no vice or any clue as to how to release the pressures I feel. I fooled myself 2 years ago, telling myself that change will come with patience. Everyone has the power to change their own lives, to turn things around. Though many fall into self pittying excuses to give themselves reason to stay put where they are and who they are.
My patience has grown thin for the waiting I have done for the change to occur. I realized today that what I am feeling may possibly be a sign. When we are not on the path that was designated for us, I believe that severe unhappiness in the form of feeling trapped in limbo occurs. I go about my days (and have so for the last 2 years) picturing myself elsewhere, in another life. It was 2 years ago that I knew I was on the wrong path and for 2 years I have slowly tried to change it little by little by finally taking actions into my own hands and becoming responsible for my own existance. My here and now is not what is suppose to be.
