Surviving Black Friday

I'm the kind of person that has never gone out the day after thanksgiving, until this morning. I was somehow talked into going to the "Day After Thanksgiving Sales." How, I'm not sure being that the last thing I wanted to do first thing in the morning was cram my way through the mall and stores and trying to keep track of the 3children that seem to overwhelm me when I go out shopping on a normal day. Never the less, I went.

I was fine for the first hour as we went store hopping. Then somewhere in Sears when my 4 year decided to pull an "I want it!" explosion, my two year old was playing "bet ya can't catch me!", the nicotine from my last cigarette wore off, my 7 year old inadvertly fell into playing "bet ya can't catch me!" and I was navigating a now empty stroller through the over crowded aisles trying to find the exit that I suddenly felt I had lost total control (if that is I had any to begin with).

I have often felt as if I was a sheep herder (but for children), trying to keep them from running this way and that, my head spinning in directions with percise speed that even Linda Blair wasn't able to accomplish in the 1970s Exorcist movie; my ears, tuned into their foot steps so I know exactly when and where one of my children have slowed down and by how much if they are out of eye's view. But this morning, with the crowds growing around me and trying so desperately to keep my children with me, I felt for the first time like white trash (a bit below humbling).

After finding freedom from Sears, I resorted to bribery (I was desperate) by treating my children with cookies (which was a disaster as I didn't get the giant Cinderella frosted cookie cake my 4 year old had been eyeing), a trip to the pet store, and (gulp)...the toy store. Thank God the pet store did not seem to be participating in the biggest sales day of the year, unfortunately the toy store did. I have always hated toy stores in malls, never ever have they had enough space in their little nook to house as many toys as they do, and they never have any consideration of customer walking space when setting up these stores.

By this point, my 2 year old was buckled into the stroller (which i only do when I become desperate), but the toy store started the grand reopening of the "I want it!" series from my precious 4 year old. I believe it was in that store (it's all a bit blurry) that I ran over ever bystander with the stroller making my way to the exit. The trip to the toy store wasn't all bad though, the Baby Alive toy that my daughters swoon over when seeing it advertised in a commerical was crossed off their Christmas list after being creeped out by it in person and dubbed "the scarey baby."

Regrouping with my friends (thank God they were there since at this point the mall was spinning around me), we thought we would hit one more store...just one more: JCPenny. I was pleasantly greeted with REAL sales and bargains there and at first the eariler chaos disappeared from my recent memories. Then I had to check out, which ruined the whole experience. The closest checkout had a line that seemed to round its way around the outter walk way, so that checkout was avoided. Instead, we made our way to the shortest line. Being the 4th person in line, I felt good, optismist even. The girls were wound down (given I told them that if they didn't act like little ladies, I'd take them to the salon to have their hair shaved like boys)and all seemed good. 10 minutes later I was still the 4th person in line...then 15 minutes past, I was still the 4th person in line. I began to worry that the cashiers had forgot their caffine being that they've been open since 4am, but that worry quickly turned into dark sarcastic remarks. Then the crowds began again, at first I thought it was claustophobia (which is a common foe of mine), then I thought that maybe it was the 3 hours since my last cigarette, I even considered that it as stress from the first and latter mixed in with the adventure of have 3 kids with me. But as the displays around me spun, I white knuckled the stroller and my breathing quickened; I realized I was having an anxiety attack (my first).

Putting to use the Lamaze breathing techniques that failed me during all of my baby's wonderful entrance into this world, I was able to make it home. Once inside, I put my winter coat back on(I think the inside of the frig is warmer than it is outside) and fell asleep on the couch. I must have been out for at least 5 hours and woke up very confused on the day and time. Napping is something I don't really do and 5 hours far surpasses the classifications of a nap.

I can't wait to do it again next year just to put myself into another 5 hour coma!